“How dare you accuse me of racism! I am a good person!”
In the early days of my work co-facilitating antiracist trainings, I was taken aback at how angry and defensive so many white people became at any suggestion that they were connected to racism in any way. The very idea that they would have to attend a workshop on racism was outrageous to them. They entered the room angry and made that anger clear to us throughout the day as they slammed their notebooks down on the table, refused to participate in exercises, and occasionally told us off. At that point in my learning, I just couldn’t understand the anger or lack of interest in learning more about such a complex dynamic as racism. These reactions were especially perplexing when there were few or no people of color in their workplace. Wouldn’t that indicate a problem? Or at least indicate that some perspectives were missing? Or that they might be under-educated about race due to their lack of exposure to cross-racial interactions? Thus, wouldn’t an educational workshop on racism be appreciated?
It took me several years to see beneath this anger. At first I was intimidated by it, and it held me back and kept me careful and quiet. But over time, because it was so predictable - so patterned and consistent - I was able to stop taking it personally, get past my own survival mode, and reflect on what was behind it. The more familiar it became the more clearly I was able to think about it. I began to see what I think of as the “anchors” of whiteness - the pillars that prop up our racial concepts. I could see the power of the racist = bad / not racist = good binary, as well as how individualism allowed white people to exempt themselves from racism. I could see how we are taught to think about racism only as acts that individual whites do, rather than as a system. And based on countless expressions of resentment toward people of color that whites expressed, I realized that we see ourselves as entitled to and deserving of more than people of color; I saw our investment in a system that serves us. I also saw how hard we worked to deny all of this. My personal reflections on my own racism, my viewing of media and other aspects of culture with more critical eyes, and my exposure to the perspectives of people of color all helped me to “see” how these aspects of racism worked. [The image at right] is intended to illustrate perceiving feedback about racism as an accusation, rather than as valuable information.
Barrier to Understanding
I could only respond with outrage to suggestions of my involvement in racism if I think it is not possible for me to commit an act of racism. Thus, I will feel “accused,” as the term accused implies unfair or false. The racist = bad / not racist = good binary makes it virtually impossible for whites to reflect upon our problematic racial patterns.
Remember: Being a good person and being complicit in racism are not mutually exclusive. We may be good people, but have still been socialized into unaware racist perspectives, investments, and behaviors.
If, however, I understand racism as a system into which I was socialized, I can actually receive feedback on my problematic racial patterns as a kind of gift, from which I can learn to grow.
Bridge to Understanding
Imagine walking out of a public restroom and not realizing that a long strip of toilet paper is affixed to your shoe. Someone approaches you to let you know. Most people, while slightly embarrassed, would appreciate being informed so that they could remove the paper and avoid further embarrassment. They would thank the person who told them. It’s not likely that someone would respond with outrage and insist that there is no toilet paper and that everyone better carry on as if it’s not there. Once we truly integrate an understanding of racism as unavoidable, we understand that it is not possible for us to be completely free of problematic racial patterns, and we actually come to see feedback about it (while still somewhat embarrassing), as ultimately something valuable from which we can learn. [The figure on the left] is meant to illustrate this conceptual frame and the more constructive response it engenders.
When we understand social power, we understand what it takes for a person from a minoritized group to give feedback to a member of the dominant group. In other words, it’s very difficult for a person with a disability to tell an able-bodied person that they have just done something ableist, or for a woman to tell a man that he has just said something sexist, or a person of color to tell a white person that they have just some something racist. Given feedback to dominant group members from the minoritized position is difficult because dominant group members are simultaneously uninformed about the oppression and highly defensive. Dominant group members’ responses typically include: dismissal, trivialization, denial, hurt feelings, anger, and punishments such as withdrawal, exclusion, or telling others how difficult and over-sensitive the minoritized group member is. Sometimes dominant group members will go to other members of the minoritized group and try to get them to agree that their fellow member was wrong. These reactions put minoritized group members in a very difficulty spot, and they often choose to endure the slight rather than be targeted further.
When I am leading a workshop on racism and people of color are present, I will ask, “How many of you have given feedback about racism to a white person and had the interaction go well?” There is usually bitter laughter, and rarely can a single person of color say that they have ever had a positive experience trying to talk to whites about our racism. Many people of color report trying to have these conversations, but they are so consistently invalidated that they stop bringing them up. But this does not mean there is no longer racism manifesting in the relationship; it just means that the relationship is not as close as the white person may believe. This should be a red flag to whites who have relationships with people of color - if you are not talking about race and racism, it may be an indicator that there is a lack of trust in the relationship.
