Back to the Addressing Microaggressions White Caucus Activity
Questioning
This approach asks us to speak in a way that gives people the benefit of the doubt, acting as though they could not possibly mean what they appear to be saying. For example, when a person offers an analysis that appears either subtly or overtly racist, we might respond with a question such as, "When you say ______, it sounds like you are saying that ______·' but I am not sure if this is what you mean." This offers the person an opportunity to reflect and perhaps alter his or her speech.
If the person truly believes in prejudiced ideas, this approach surely will not change his or her point of view-but at least it might disrupt the conversation enough for the speaker to find out that prejudice is not welcomed or acceptable in your presence. This pattern can continue as needed, with the questions becoming more explicitly challenging. We might actually have to say, "I'm sorry, but that sounds rather prejudiced. Are you comfortable with sounding that way?" The essential idea is simply that we act a bit dense, as though we simply cannot believe that an intelligent person would ever say something with such obvious racial overtones.
"How Do We Witness?" Witnessing Whiteness: the Need to Talk about Race and How to Do It, by Shelly Tochluk, Second ed., Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2010, pp. 216-220.
Educating
This approach asks us to make use of the knowledge that we gain and try to inform the people around us why their statements are troubling for us. Note that this approach is not called lecturing. Instead, we can make short statements, such as, "You know, when I hear what you are saying, it reminds of when I thought something similar. But then I read something that made me realize that ______." Or, we might say something like, "Hey, I know sometimes the media makes it seem like that, but I found out recently that ______." In both of these sample statements, we avoid directly naming either the person or his or her speech as involving racist elements.
Depending upon the need and our own comfort, we can go farther. We can say, "Hey, I am sure you don't mean it this way, but it sounds like that idea comes from a perspective that can be seen as pretty racist." With this approach, the words we say may or may not be heard. The person may or may not continue with the subject, stick around to continue the dialogue, or feel comfortable with us. But, whatever the result, we have let that person know that we are not someone with whom he or she can safely speak using racially derogatory speech.
"How Do We Witness?" Witnessing Whiteness: the Need to Talk about Race and How to Do It, by Shelly Tochluk, Second ed., Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2010, pp. 216-220.
Express Personal Emotional Reaction
This approach asks us to tell a person making racist comments or jokes what it is like for us to hear those things. By letting the person know how we feel, we are avoiding directly challenging the content of what is being said, but instead asking the person to respect who we are and notice that his or her speech is not OK with us. We might say something like, "When you say that, I feel ______ and that makes it hard for me to be here with you." This approach can be especially effective with people close to us because we are with people close to us because we are not directly challenging the content of what the person is saying as much as the level of respect existing within the relationship. If these people care about us, won't they want to make sure that we feel good about spending time with them? At least, that is the question we can ask to try and get the person to shift his or her use of language.
"How Do We Witness?" Witnessing Whiteness: the Need to Talk about Race and How to Do It, by Shelly Tochluk, Second ed., Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2010, pp. 216-220.
Empathetic Relating
This approach asks us to invite the person speaking to imagine how he or she would feel if a similar negative statement were applied to him or her. We might respond to a racist comment or joke by saying, "Wow, when you say that, I can't help but imagine what those people would feel if they heard that. Can you imagine what it would feel like if people were sitting around talking about us like that? What if they were teasing about the way we ______? (Here, we might include something that we sense might be a meaningful stereotype that is used to injure). We can then ask, "Wow, how would that make you feel?"
"How Do We Witness?" Witnessing Whiteness: the Need to Talk about Race and How to Do It, by Shelly Tochluk, Second ed., Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2010, pp. 216-220.
Repeated Opportunities
Even with these strategies, we might not always respond perfectly. Sometimes we still might get confounded. Other times we might feel unsafe. Still other times, we might realize that we are up against a losing battle. There may be some serious power issues at play. Are we willing to challenge those who are in charge in our schools and workplaces? Of course, if we are serious about this, we would like to find some way to do this. However, the degree to which we respond always depends on the context, who is there, the relationship we have with the person, and how much time we have at that moment. However, when we do see an opening, having some options to draw upon can help.
Lastly, we also can give ourselves permission to return to a person once the situation has shifted and deal with the issue at a later time. For example, we might return and say, "You know, yesterday (or last week) you said ______ and I just want to ask you what you meant. I felt ______ hearing it and wanted to check in with you about it." We can choose to question, empathize, educate, or express our own feeling. But this way, even if we miss a moment, we still see that there might be a chance to respond once we have developed more clarity about the issue and a plan of approach.
Important to acknowledge is that these approaches are not necessarily designed to change the mind of the person with whom we are interacting. A person we challenge might develop a new awareness depending on our ability to explain ourselves, the openness of the person, and a myriad of other factors. But this is not a how-to-change-people's-hearts-and-minds guide. The effort here is about naming what we see out loud in front of people so that we at least offer everyone the opportunity to see things in a different way.
"How Do We Witness?" Witnessing Whiteness: the Need to Talk about Race and How to Do It, by Shelly Tochluk, Second ed., Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2010, pp. 216-220.